Monday, December 19, 2011

Only been over a year

So I recently decided to try to keep up with this thing again. I don't know if anyone is actually reading it or not but who cares. A lot has happened in the last year. Mike and I broke up and then got back together and then broke up again (this time for good). I became a CNA and was pleasantly surprised by how much I love taking care of old people. Miah has moved to Colorado and we are getting an apartment together in the next month or two. I reconnected with an old flame (well we went on 4 or 5 dates over the course of 3 years so not really sure if that counts as a flame). He and I have been talking a lot. It is actually incredible. I have never really felt like I could be myself with anyone I have ever dated, and with Andrae I am completely myself. He lives in NY and I live here so really whats the point in being anything other than us? We spend probably about 12 hours a week on the phone or on skype. We even watched a movie on the computer at the same time and talked on the phone during it. (his suggestion.... not even mine lol).

So that is where I am at these days. Super excited about living with Miah, very excited about how things are going with Andrae. Loving my job, and trying to figure out what I want out of life. I used to be so convinced that I would hate to get married and have kids, I actively struggled against growing up and having that life. But one of the things that my terrible relationship with mike taught me is that I think I could be happy with that. I think I want to be a mom. I never really thought that I did. I guess I am more ordinary than I thought. I no longer want to move to Palestine, or go on crazy grand adventures because that life seems lonely to me. I also have lost some of my naivety and no longer believe that I can single handed change the world. I actually don't really think that anyone can. It is a little sad to look around you and realize that you lost a lot of your idealism. But its probably good too. I have taken off a lot of the pressure that I used to put on myself and realized that I don't need to change the world to be happy or successful. Well that is all for now but I am going to try to post a new one at least 2 times a month.

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