Sunday, October 31, 2010

Lately, something here don't feel right

Mike has been really weird the past few days. It's like he has totally checked out. And what I am trying to figure out is if he has checked out of the relationship or if he is just stressed. You know how you can be in the same room and sleeping in the same bed as someone but its like you are miles apart? Thats how its been. Maybe I am just feeling insecure and I should just get over it but I am worried. In his sleep he used to cuddle me and tell me how much he loves me and that he wants to take me with him wherever he goes. He hasn't done that in weeks now. Its almost like he doesn't see me anymore. He used to talk about him and I traveling together and now the only one he includes in his plans is Jake. We talked yesterday about all of his stress and how he feels so claustrophobic and tied down with everything. I can't help but feel that I am part of the problem and not part of the solution.

He also said the other day that he doesn't believe in love. Maybe it shouldn't have but it hurt my feelings.

And yesterday he went to Denver to hang out with his friends. The other day I asked him if I could go with him to meet them because I have not met a single one of his friends. He said sure, then yesterday morning when I asked him about it he looked at me and said "really?!?!" in a tone that was anything but inviting. It hurt my feelings too.

And the worst part, and maybe I am just being crazy, is that friday night Jake and I were up in his room coloring and he started talking about his dad's other "friend" Julia and how he misses her but she lives in Denver. I dunno, do you think Mike went to see her? All is not well my friends. I guess I am mostly just terrified.

I am scared because I have given him my heart or at least as much as you can give in 6 weeks. And I am pretty sure that he will never give me his. Maybe I should stop falling so fearlessly.

and last night I called him before I went to bed, like I told him I would, and he ignored my call... I mean literally it rang 4 times then went to vm... he ignored it. not didn't hear it, not anything like that. Ignored it.

I'm just so unsure and feeling rather neglected. Maybe its my new BC pill, it might be making me depressed and I am looking way to into this. But somehow I really don't think so.

1 comment:

  1. oh no! it doesn't sound like it's just the BC pills :( i will be your boyfriend! you don't need Mike! call me!