Thursday, September 16, 2010

Unexpected Forays. The stuff of Life

Sometimes things just come along that you do not expect in the least.  I plan on moving to another continent in a few months, why the hell would I want a romantic entanglement here in Colorado? Why would I want something that will tie me down? I want my freedom!  Well something has come along.  Unexpected for sure, but its there.  I don't know what exactly, its far too early to make any sort of predictions, whether realistic or ridiculous but that feeling is there.  That "i haven't been this excited about someone in (insert some measurement of time here)"

Yep its there, and there is no denying it.  We just have fun, we laugh and joke, and have cool discussions (we come from very different scholarly backgrounds he is PhD Computer Science / Mathematician student who works in the biology field right now - and I well you know Anthro, philosophy, Macro in other words), we snuggle and make out.  There is not a lack of chemistry that is for sure.  We get along swimmingly, and its easy! It has never felt like work to force a conversation, there are comfortable silences (something I find shocking after only knowing a person for 2 days - true we did spend 26 hours of those two days together so some level of comfort must be expected - but does that comfort level come from the time or the ease with which it is spent? I don't think time alone can do that), there are funny jokes, teasing back and forth, I even snored in his ear at one point and he never once let me go.  It is in that period of "wow I met this awesome dude, that I totally respect as a human being and as an intellectual, there is some mystery there, I feel totally safe when I am with him, he makes me laugh, makes me breakfast and French press coffee (that is brownie points right there) and my knees buckle" where are the faults here???? What am I supposed to do with that? I mean at this point I am slightly in awe of the guy.  He is just a fucking awesome man.

So I ask again why? 

Well I have managed to once again fall into the trap of assumptions.  Clearly by asking why I am assuming that this will go somewhere, and while I hope that it does indeed continue in some form or another, I find myself asking myself why I am asking why.  Why can't I just let it be whatever the hell it will be? Who knows where this world will take me, who knows what is in store? If for some reason something comes of this than awesome, totally down, but at the same time, how ridiculous is it to wonder about what the future holds in this case? I think its time for a little life lesson about letting go more.  Clearly I cannot control the future so why start worrying about something that may not even happen and if something does happen the sad part is months away.

For now I am going to sit back and enjoy the journey, cause hey, isn't that what its all about anyway?

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